I can't believe that it's been over a month since I got back from New Zealand already!  One of Mom's friends called it a pilgrimage and I like that thought.

 

Mom went to New Zealand to spend time with Auntie Mary when her mom, my grandmother passed away. She wanted to share those memories with Mary and let Mary know that despite the distance, we know that the pain of loss is still there. So, I went on a "pilgrimage" to do the same. Auntie Mary and I shared some memories, some stories and some tears. It was so hard for me to leave her after getting to know her better because it pains me so much to think of her alone in her room most of the days. On the other hand, I met some of her friends that look out for her and ask after her and some of the fabulous workers at the home. Knowing that there are people there to care for her and being able to put faces to names and voices over the phone meant a lot to me.

 

I also met a friend of Auntie Mary's and a friend of Mom's who has now turned into a friend of mine. Barb and her family's hospitality was beyond compare. They'd never met me and they just took me in. They are absolutely wonderful people and Barb has one of the biggest hearts I have ever had the priviledge to meet. She and Mom must have become such fast friends because of matching generosity.

 

New Zeland itself is a beautiful country - or at least what I saw of it. I spent most of my time in Whangarei, where Auntie Mary lives as well as Parua Bay where I spent my evenings. It's a smaller town but has some great sights. Even during their winter, the scenery (and weather) was amazing. I spent one morning at Ocean Beach and McLeod Bay. I also got to go up to Kerikeri for a weekend with day trips to Paihia and Russle. On the way back to Whangarei, I took the long route past Opononi, through the Waipoua forest and to Baylys Beach. To end my trip, I went to Christchurch for the day to spend time with a woman that Mom went to highschool with. Again, the generosity there was amazing. What an interesting and intelligent family! Anyways, Christchurch is definitely somewhere that I'd like to explore a bit more.

 

All in all, the trip was exactly what I wanted it to be: mostly about spending time with Auntie Mary. And I felt Mom with me while I was there.  I'll go back for tramping and such another time! :)

This was on one of those signs with the slide in letters outside a church on my way to work this morning. I love the tactics of some of the churches and got a kick out of this one.

~Former First Lady Johnson

As part of the packing process, I wanted to go through my filing cabinet and throw out things like my 4 year old Hydro bills and 2000 tax return. However, in one folder labeled "letters", I found some gems. It was full of letters from penpals from elementary school, letters from my aunt and grandmother, a postcard that Mom sent me from NZ, letters from friends that had moved away in highschool...but really, most importantly, letters and cards from pretty much every significant boyfriend I have ever had! Wow! Reading some of the notes brought back some great memories and a lot made me laugh out loud.

 

Then I did something very uncharacteristic of me, I threw them all out. It was great to have the nostalgia, but I'm not that same person anymore. I appreciate the relationships I've had, but wouldn't go back. Thanks guys for helping make the person that I am! And thanks C, for helping me move on! :)

This weekend, C spent Saturday with his nephew. They went shopping for a bit, played video games, we went for supper. A pretty standard day. About 3 hours after we dropped him off, C checked his phone and there was a voicemail saying that they just found out that his nephew has head lice.

 

I am freaking out. Logically, I know that the chances of transfering it to me are slim, but I still washed every sheet and pillow case in the house (which is actually also totally unproductive since they don't attach to inatimate objects). My head is itchy and I keep imagining nits in my hair only to find it to be a split end.

 

And you know what? It's not the bugs in my hair thing, it's that I remember being absolutely devastated in Grade 2 when I got head lice from the girl I shared a locker with. My mom spent hours combing through my hair and using the special shampoos but nothing would get rid of them. I ended up having to cut my hair from half-way down my back to the jaw line so that the combs and shampoos and whatever else could be more effective. I remember "forgetting" to take my toque off that first day back at school because I was so embarrased.

 

Who knew that such an event would be so traumatizing but I am definitely realizing now that I still am carrying that memory with me.

"The hardest of all is learning to be a well of affection, and not a fountain, to show them we love them, not when we feel like it, but when they do." ~Nan Fairbrother

 

I really liked this one from my page-a-day calendar!

I just got word that my house is sold. 4 days after putting it on the market, and 5 days after the offer (yes, that's right, the offer came before it went on the market) and for the exact price I wanted. I only had one "showing" and since it was before it was on the market, I was there and the one giving them the tour. Wow! It was obviously meant to be!

 

This is a weight off my shoulders (and C's too I'm sure since I was going a bit crazy with his pop cans and towels all over the place), but it also means that I can get a head start on packing which is AWESOME!

 

Hopefully this house luck continues with the sale of C's place in a few months but with two sweet deals in a row, it might be high hopes!

So this whole house buying with C has been pretty good. We both wanted the same things and knew what the other person wanted. And no, we didn't find our "perfect" house, but unless you have a LOT of money, the perfect house just isn't out there. It's been a reasonably good experience. And we had a great realtor who played hard-ball for us.

 

But now, the process of putting my house up for sale has been a little...less smooth, let's say. I'm totally stressing over the littlest things. Part of it is just who I am - I want my house to be clean when people come over, showing a house is just multiplying that by 10. Chris is a little less concerned. But I'm also realizing that freaking out about a pop can here and an unwashed window there is my way of projecting my stress over things I can't control onto things that I can. I think that I'm freaking out because putting my house up for sale is like a symbolic "end of Jenn".

 

Ok, I know that's irrational, but I guess I'm proud of the fact that I bought and maintained a house and a yard on my own in my mid 20s. That's being taken away from me. Now, I have no big "thing" to prove that I am "Jenn" and not simply a part of "Jenn and Chris". For those who know me, know that I've never liked to be introduced or referred to as "so and so's girlfriend" and I very rarely refer to Chris as anything but "Chris" in conversation because I feel that people need that identity. I guess all this is part of growing up....

 

...Funny that we are attached and part of a greater entity in childhood (our parents mostly) then fight for our independance throughout our teens, only to be defined again as an entity with someone else in adulthood.

My last entry also made me think of another discussion topic...and I would actually love comments.  If you think someone is "the one", and then it doesn't work out....were you wrong before?  Or are there more "the ones" than just one for each person? If you have that "this is the one" feeling again, do you trust it?

 

I've never had "the one" feeling before so I don't really know. But I do have friends who've said they've met "the one" and gone on to marry someone else....

 

Just something to ponder.

For those who know me well, it might be a bit shocking. It's a bit shocking to me even. Chris and I are going out tonight to look at houses together. We've been talking about it for about a month, but Friday we went to the bank to get pre-approved and tonight, we're scheduled to check out at least 4 places. And you know what, I'm not freaked out. Ms. Non-commital herself is comfortable with the situation.  Ms. doesn't-even-have-her-facebook-status-changed-to-in-a-relationship is doing well. Chris even asked me if I was getting worked up while we were sitting waiting for the bank rep last week - guess he knows me pretty well too.

 

Maybe I'll freak out after tonight when it's more real?  Who knows...but I don't think so.  This is right.

 

And you know what, after having so many people tell me that I'd know when it was right and me never believing, well, you guys were all right. And to those out there who are questioning, you'll know when it's right. I know you don't believe me now, but you'll know. That said, if there is any doubt in your mind, then it's not right and you should get out. A friend of mine said to me "we should either get married or break up" when talking about her relationship and to be honest, I'm sure that I've heard the same words coming out of my mouth. But now that I'm older and wiser (haha, yeah right), that shows to me that it just wasn't "right". I'm happy.

 

Btw, don't tell Chris that I said any of this - he doesn't need his ego stroked!

 

Oh, and when we find the place - I'll definitely send pictures!

Not that I have never struggled with weight or anything like that, but I've just come to the realization that I'm "at that age". At that age where to put it nicely, my aunt said "you can't just quickly kick start your metabolism like you used to."

 

I used to fluctuate plus or minus 10lbs quite regularily and no, I was never completely happy (how many women are?), but I was comfortable knowing that if I put on a little, I just needed to get to the gym one more day a week and I'd drop it again. Now, it seems that I need to cut about 300 daily calories from my diet and exercise every day just to maintain my current weight which is still up 15lbs from the fall. I still haven't found what I have to do to actually lose weight but whatever it is, I'm very scared that I won't be able to keep it up (I'm also one of those people who needs 8 hours of sleep). And to top it off, I'm a comfort eater. So I'm depressed and frustrated about my weight so to make myself feel better, I eat. Vicious cycle Jenn, vicious cycle.

 

If 30 is the new 20, and 40 is the new 30, and so on, why haven't our bodies realized that slowing metabolisms should now happen at 40 and menopause should now start at 55?!?!?

I booked my flights last night and I am now heading to kiwi-land for the first two weeks of August. 

 

I have been having a hard time spending any of my inheritance because it's just money. I would give it all back and more for one more conversation with Mom. But that's not reality. I was talking with my uncle about it and he said that I needed to do something meaningful, something that would help me remember. So, I got to thinking...and when my grandma passed away, Mom took some of the money she received and went on her first trip overseas by herself to visit her Auntie Mary. So, I've decided that I will make the same trip to visit my great aunt.

 

I'm hoping that it will mean so much to Auntie Mary as well. She's 92 and has lost most of her eyesight, she can't travel anymore and has no family except the 6 of us in Canada. This is not going to be a drinking/partying holiday, it will be about learning about Mom's side of the family from the only person left to tell the stories, it will be about connecting, it will be about reading, writing and deep reflection.I am hoping that this trip will be therapeutic and provide me with more closure to the past year. I hope, no, I know that Mom would approve.

 

Well, I'm back from my little trip from Ottawa. I talked about it with numerous people and it really had been 2 years since I'd been there and seen my friends. I think it's really nice that no one had really changed that much and that we were all able to just start talking like it'd been 2 weeks instead of two years. Those are true friends.

 

The weekend made me grateful for those friends, but also sad because it also made me realize what a big part of my life they are and how much it sucks not to be able to see them more often!

 

I also carried my camera around with me the whole weekend intending to get pictures of me with each person, but yeah....that didn't happen so still no update on the photos here!

 

Thanks again to those who cooked for me, let me stay and even to those who just took the time out of their schedules to catch up quickly. Gros bisous!

I'm leaving for Ottawa tonight for 4.5 whole days (which for the record, is simply not enough time)!

 

I am honestly as excited about this trip as I was about going to Mongolia, because for me it means that I get to see my best friends. Being more emotional of late, I can see myself breaking down into tears more than a few times over the next few days. This trip is what I wanted for support all last fall and what I said I was going to do for myself when Mom passed away. And now it's finally happening. I can finally catch up with fabulous friends who were there for me throughout all of the past year! I really really can't wait!

For the background, see this link.

 

Chris went to get his hearing tested and to see the Ears/Nose/Throat Specialist. His ear is healing on its own so they are going to leave it for now and schedule another hearing test in a year's time to check it again. He also broke his nose fairly severely and now has a deviated septum. Again something that they could do surgery for but because he isn't having trouble with his breathing, it is something that they are simply going to watch. So yay for no surgery!

 

As for pressing charges, well, that's where we have a bit of a dissagreement. I think that they should. I understand that there may be consequences for me and for us but I want to have faith in the justice system and show to these people that they should not and can not get away with this type of thing. However, I'm not the one who was attacked, so I am not the one who can press charges. And Chris is worried about reprocussions and also worried about going through all of judicial process for this guy to get 30 days (the cops said likely 30 to 60 days) or worse, to be not found guilty (he has a friend who is a criminal lawyer and a guy just got off of an assault charge even though they had video evidence). My thought is if the guy only gets 30 days, that's 30 more days than not charging him and that's one more conviction on his record to count against him for the next time he does this. Like I said, I'd like to have more faith in the system.

My brother, my sister, her boyfriend, Chris and I spent the Easter weekend together. This was our first family "holiday" together without Mom. We didn't do a traditional dinner or anything like that and we didn't really have a "moment", but I lit a candle for Mom at the dinner table so that we knew that she was with us. But you know, that wasn't what got me this weekend, it was and will continue to be all the little things:

Chris and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary this past weekend. He took me to this really great funky, organic restaurant called "Skinny Legs and Cowgirls" where every dish is made for sharing. It was really nice and right up my alley. If you're in Edmonton, you should totally check it out.

 

Anyways, part of me can't believe that it's already been a year. Some of that might have to do with the fact that we've actually only been in the same city for 6 months of that year. That said, most of the time, I can't believe that it's only been a year! We've been through a lot this past year and we've already been living together for 3 months. It seems crazy that it's only been a year - but definitely not in a bad way! I'm looking forward to this upcoming year and seeing where it takes us!

So, as some of you know, I had quite the adventure last Saturday night – well, technically Sunday morning. But a lot of people don’t know the details so here it goes.

 

Chris’ friend Andrew came over to help fix the garage door and then stayed for supper. After supper was over, it was nice out, so we decided to walk to the local pub for a couple pints and to watch the hockey game.

 

Later in the night, a group of people came in and sat at the booth next to our table. The one guy, we’ll call him Adidas because he was wearing an adidas jacket, started making out with his girlfriend in the booth, with 3 other people in the booth looking a little uncomfortable. Another girl arrived and sat next to one of the other guys, we’ll call him Hawk because he had a fauxhawk, obviously his girlfriend. Hawk went in and out with some other guys, presumably to smoke. Adidas and his girlfriend moved out of the booth and to chairs next to it. They continued to make out and then were standing between us and the TV making out.

 

Andrew said “get a room”. Adidas didn’t hear, but his friends did and told him about it. So he replied “buy me a room”. He and Andrew bantered back and forth a bit about it but it was over in less than 5 minutes. We finished our appetizer platter had another pint (well, the boys did, I went for a water). After last call for food, we asked for our bill. It took a while to come and then Chris paid with his credit card, so that took a while too.

 

After we had walked out the door and crossed the street to start walking home, Hawk came out of the pub and yelled to us “Do you have a light?”. We all answered “no, sorry” and kept walking. Then he yelled, “This is my last cigarette, why don’t you come back and share it with me.”  Chris yelled back “We don’t smoke.” and we kept walking. He kept yelling at us to come back for his smoke.  Next I know, Adidas is outside with him and they are starting to follow us down the street, saying that we’re racist.

 

After a couple of blocks, Chris and Andrew take off their jackets and give them to me and just turn around and stand in the sidewalk. They tell me to keep walking. They tell the guys following to go back to the pub. There wasn’t much else to do at that point because we didn’t want them following us all the way home and they were obviously not going to leave us alone.

 

The two guys reached Chris and Andrew in the sidewalk and the two of them were just yelling at each other. I was about a block away. Chris yelled at me to phone the cops so I went digging in my purse, not sure that I needed to because they were still just yelling. When I looked up again, Chris’ shirt was ripped. I called 911. Andrew stepped in front of Chris and said to Hawk that he’d take his friend and go this way and that Hawk should take his friend and go back to the pub. I was on the phone with a police officer explaining what was happening. The police officer wasn’t too interested because I’m sure he figured it was just another bar fight. I looked at the house number I was standing next in front of to get an address. Next I look back and Adidas has his belt out and is swinging it. I tell the cop.

 

Chris and Andrew start backing away. Adidas steps into the street with his belt folded in half in his hand. He’s calling at Chris to come into the street. Chris keeps backing away. Adidas comes to the side of the street and whips his belt towards Chris so that the buckle end comes out of his hand and whips the full length of the belt. He jumps over the snow bank, hits Chris with the belt and Chris stumbles backwards on the ice. As he’s trying to get up, Adidas hits him in the head a couple of times. Chris falls forward, smashes his face against a parked truck and is out. Andrew starts going towards Chris and both Hawk and Adidas beat on him until he falls against the tire of the same truck. Then Hawk and Adidas hit both of them a few more times in the face before they just stand up and walk back towards the pub.

 

Chris sat up and started reaching for things in the air. Andrew got right up. They both were up and I tried to tell them to sit back down in the snow. Andrew started going after the two guys. He wasn’t making any sense but I couldn’t stop him. I had one hand on his shoulder, one hand on my phone still on with 911 with him pushing me backwards down the street. Chris caught up with us after about a block and a half and then looked down and asked where his shoe was. He was missing his shoe. I convinced Andrew to turn around and help Chris find his shoe. The cop on the phone encouraged me to continue with this idea. By the time we got back to the parked truck, four cop cars were there. They called an ambulance immediately.

 

While waiting for the ambulance, the cops started asking questions. Neither Chris nor Andrew could remember from their first punches on. Later, Chris doesn’t remember the ambulance ride or most of the 6 hours spent in emergency.

 

While they went to the hospital, the police kept asking me questions. The drove me back to the pub to show them where we were sitting and such. When we went to walk in the front door, Adidas’ girlfriend was walking out. I pointed her out immediately. Then, while they were questioning her and questioning me, Hawk’s girlfriend and two other guys they were sitting with walked out. I pointed them out too.

 

I was shaking. The police thought that it was because I was cold, but it was nerves.

 

They finally put me in the back of a car so that I could fill out my witness statement. While in there, I found out that Adidas’ girlfriend lives really nearby and that two of the others used to work at that pub and that all of them were being uncooperative. Chris called me while I was filling out the statement and he didn’t know where I was, where he was or how he’d got there. I said that I would be there soon.

 

The cops asked if I could drive and I said no. I was sober but I was shaking so much that I didn’t think it was a good idea.

 

The cop came in with me at the hospital and explained to me that the next night, I would have both Chris and Andrew to her office to get their statements and do a photo line-up. Then started the emergency room wait. Chris’ one eye was swollen and on the other side, both his mid cheek and forehead so it looked like his cheekbone was concave. Andrew’s nose was doubled in size and bruises were starting under both his eyes. They were both covered in blood and their shirts were torn to shreds. Chris couldn’t move his arms below the elbow.

 

It was a few hours before we got in behind the waiting room, but then it was to another waiting area. They took Chris in to do an initial exam and he puked and then started passing out while I was there. That’s when I was finally truly scared. They kept him in a bed and left Andrew, who wasn’t doing as bad, in the waiting area.

 

After CTs and xrays – they both had a concussion and Andrew had a broken nose. Chris’ one eye was swelled shut but when he did try to open it, he could see alright. We took a cab home.

 

At the Police Station

I made Chris and Andrew go to the police station the next night. They didn’t want to because they were unsure of pressing charges but I convinced them that they should at least have their version of what happened on record.

 

Our appointment was at 9:30pm and after 2 hours of sleep in the past 40 hours, it was a bit nerve racking. I was shaking again because I was so nervous about the photo line-ups. All three of us did the line-up and they got their statements. We were told that they caught one guy that they consider a suspect and that he has 4 counts of assault on his record already. Scary.

 

The following morning, Chris and Andrew also had to get themselves to the downtown police station to get pictures taken of their injuries.

 

Update

Chris went to his family doctor today to get checked out. I’m glad because in the past few days, we’d figured that his nose was broken and that there was something wrong with his ear.

 

Well, his nose is broken, but he can breath ok, it’s still fairly straight and there’s not much that they can do about it. His ear on the other hand, well, the drum is ruptured and is going to require surgery. His doctor said that he will fill out all the reports required for the police because he said the injuries were decently severe.

 

Chris is supposed to take it easy for the next little bit and has to go see the doctor again before starting up rugby. He’ll wait to hear from the surgeon as to a surgery date, but I don’t imagine that it’s considered an urgent matter.

 

My thoughts

These guys knew what the hell they were doing and were looking for a fight. The one guy knew how to use his belt as a deadly weapon and is getting charged as such. In retrospect, no, Andrew probably shouldn’t have made the “get a room” comment, but I do NOT blame him for this. That comment is so benign and made all the time – I truly believe that it could have been anything that set these guys off.

 

Was I scared? No. I was scared for them after they’d been knocked out because I had no idea how bad it was. I was scared when I couldn’t stop Andrew from going after them because I knew that if he found them, they would probably kill him. I was scared when Chris puked red and we hadn’t eaten anything red. I was scared when he passed out after puking. But during the actual event – no. I think they were smart about it. Two on two outside a bar, probably doesn’t look so bad but if they attack a girl, they’re going to jail. Just like if they attack with a knife, they’re going to jail, but if they get caught with a belt – who knows?

 

From here? Well, I’m not going back to that pub, I’m probably not going to walk to the 7-11 past the pub, I’m going to watch who gets off the bus with me. It’s changed me, but that said, if it comes to it, I will testify. I was sober and I can tell you (obviously from my novel) exactly what happened; no exaggerations, no down-play. The scariest part is that they have to know that one of the three of us live close enough to where this all went down that we were walking home. Maybe I’ll also be moving sooner than I thought?

I remember in university, I would take 5 classes and 3 to 4 labs per sememster, I would coach three nights per week, I worked 20 hours a week, I volunteered to organize fundraisers and events. I remember being stressed at times (oh if Mom could tell you!), but I don't ever remember truly running out of time to get things done.  Maybe it's a state of mind, maybe it's because I was surrounded by so many others doing the exact same thing, maybe it's because I was younger.

 

Now, I work full time, I volunteer one or two nights per MONTH, I have one team sports night per week and I can't seem to catch up with all the homework for the ONE class that I am taking.  I know that there are now household responsibilities like grocery shopping and chores and shoveling but those don't make up for everything else that I used to do. I don't take my work home with me so it's not like I'm spending my evenings "still at the office." Maybe I've gotten lazy?