The Orange Room

As we approached the park and the snow covered mountains started to rise up in front of us, I knew that we were doing the right thing. It felt right.

 

And on Sunday after we all went out for breakfast together, we donned our cold-weather gear and drove the scenic drive to the trail head. We specifically chose a shorter walk with no incline so that we could go back to visit for many years to come, even as we get less mobile.

 

We found a spot on the lake's edge with magestic mountains framing the lake on all sides. She just told us that she wanted to be "in the mountains", but never gave us a specific spot. But, Brent informed us that he had been on this walk with her when he was younger. She had been there. She had found beauty and joy in this spot. This was the right spot and I truly believe that it is where she wanted to be.

 

We lit her memorial candle, read a poem and said goodbye again as we laid her to rest in that crystal clear lake surrounded by her mountains. It was hard and beautiful and emotional and it was "right".

 

That spot will have a special meaning for all of us now and we'll be back to visit many times.

 

I love you Mom and I miss you.

When I lived in Winnipeg, my roommates had a rule that at Thanksgiving, we went around the table and everyone had to say at least one thing that they were thankful for. I think that a lot of people find this a bit cheezy, but to be honest, it was nice to acknowledge the people and things in your life that you might not always specifically point out.

 

This week, I have been sleeping better and having very vivid dreams. I attribute this to getting back to the gym, but that's a different story.  My dreams haven't been as weird as they usually are - they've been about what's going on in my life. Last night it was about waiting for the furnace repair guy to come and about thanksgiving weekend, the night before it was about trying to get homework done, etc.  The one common theme though, is that Mom is in all of them. Sometimes she is alive and well and helping me solve a problem and in others, she is in the hospice and I am dealing with some issue on my way to visiting her, but either way, she is there.

 

Maybe this is to remind me that she is with me, or maybe it's more factual than that because we are quickly approaching the time when we have decided to scatter her ashes as she wished. All I know is that when she is in my dream and we are able to have a good conversation, I don't really want to wake up and have that end.

After all of those years of saying that it's the multi-taskers that are going to get ahead, a new study comes out. I'm not very good at multi-tasking in all honesty so maybe that's why I generally write exams well?  I dunno...I'm still very easily distracted!

Exactly one year ago today, Mom was moved to Grace Hospice. It was sort of like the beginning of the end. Sometimes it feels so long ago - so far away and other times, the grief and pain are so fresh that it feels so recent.

 

The staff at Grace Hospice were amazing and will always have a special place in my heart. They make dying as comfortable and as dignified as possible. And they support the family in a way that I have never seen in another health care facility. They are special people who work there because what they deal with every day is not easy.

 

This day brings great sadness, but it also helps me to be grateful for the time that we did get to share with Mom. And it makes me think of people in my life that are going through their own grief or health scares. The experiences are different, but I think that the emotions are the same.